A Beautiful Disaster

Universal Studio Singapore

It was a roller coaster ride. A vacation leave turned into indefinite soul search. A beautiful disaster, sabi ng kaibigan ko isa na naman maling desisyong ginawa ko. Nag quit ako sa first job ko, it was immediate because i can no longer do rendering due to the fact na nasa ibang bansa ako that time. Wala akong masabing masama sa dati ko kumpanya, they offered me the best training platforms from global communication to product specific. As a former human resource student, malaking cost yun para sa company but i'm seeing what they are rooting at, they are aiming not to be the biggest but the best service provider sa Industry and I'm grateful that they allowed me to be part of their story and they are part of my journey.

Going back, I went to Singapore and stayed their for roughly a month, I looked for a job and step out sa comfort zone ko. Fortunate ako kasi may host family na nag offer sa aking ng accommodation in minimal cost, almost food and transportation lang ang nagastos ko for staying in a high end and expensive country like Singapore. Di lang ako swinerte sa paghahanap ng trabaho due to quota na pinapatupad ng Ministry of Manpower. Promising yung opportunities at salary, kung doon ka nagtratrabaho, yung perks ng security, convenience, transportation at inter cultural experience, isang malaking factor. Masyadong maiksi ang 30 days para masabi kong ganun kaganda at kaayos ang Singapore pero enough na for me to find myself. 

Botanical Garden

Sabi ko i lost myself habang tumutulong at nag bibigay ng feedback sa ibang tao. Hindi ko masabi sa supervisor ko noon na, ang hirap magcorrect sa ibang tao kung ikaw nakikita mo ang sarili mo na nalilito at karamihan ng nasa paligid mo sinasabing nakakalito ka. Nawala bigla lahat ng hilig ko, nawala yung hilig ko sa painting at sa pagsusulat, nawala yung natural kong tawa at saya, na pressure ako sa kung ano gusto ng magulang ko para sa akin, kung ano ang tama sa kung ano ang masaya.

At the age of 24, feeling ko kailangan ko mag catch up, na pressure ako mula sa kung ano tingin ng school to how they see me at home, and i saw myself drowning na from that growth mindset sa corporate ladder. I tried to contain everything but nahirapan nalang akong huminga, minsan nakikita ko nalang sarili ko umiiyak ng walang dahilan. Pakiramdam ko malaki utang na loob ko sa mundo, frinustrate ko ang sarili ko sa mga bagay na wala akong control like promotion, salary, work life balance, everything. Bumili ako ng mga financial literacy books, nakinig ng podcast, nag aadvise sa ibang tao about what is ok and what is not but hindi ko naitanong sa sarili ko, are you ok?

It was a roller coaster ride, with just one snap, sinabi ko na di na ako babalik sa company. Feeling ko nakapag desisyon ako, feeling ko may makwekwento ako sa ibang tao about one in a life time decision. Siguro masasabi nila na it doesn't make sense but for me, not everything does, not everything has to. 

I realized sa paglalakad at pagagala ko sa Singapore, Singaporeans are very humble which what separate me from them is that arrogance and fear still keep me from learning the simplest and most significant lesson of all, It's not about me. I know na napaka fast phase ng working environment nila but kung makikita mo yung sa East part ng Singapore, and even sa small alley nila. Old people are still working maybe because of the high end living but you can still live for roughly $5 to $10 a day which make sense for me that they are working not for their selves but you can see how happy they are serving other people, serving other nationals. I went back home, baon ang pahinga at aral, na kahit saan ka pumunta at dalhin ng paa mo, may mga bagay na tayo lang ang sasagot sa mga bagay na tayo lang ang nagtatanong and prumoproblema. Handa na akong harapin ang susunod na phase ng buhay ko at magsimula uli. 

Changi Airport - Terminal 4

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A Beautiful Disaster

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Oleh Aeron Emmanuel

Aeron Emmanuel Pada 6:45:00 AM Comment